This is live, people...

I'm writing this note with one hand while holding the phone - I'm on hold - with the other. See, I'm trying to speak with Sallie Mae, the student loan behemoth who has my fiscal nuts in their vice-like, loan shark grip.

I just learned, through a letter, that my monthly payment more than doubled as a result of a past-due penalty. Now, anyone who knows me will attest that I am ridiculously attendant to my obligations - school or otherwise.

Quick update - Kristene, the lovely young woman with whom I've just been speaking, gave me a bum call-back number. Turns out I should have dialed 1-888-XXX-XXXX, NOT 1-800, as Kristene said. OK, after briefly being re-routed (and hung up on), I spoke with a young/old woman who informed me I was again at the wrong number (dammit Kristene!).

Now talking with Matt, Matt is a "supervisor" and he's not quite as cordial. Little does he know I'm 7'4" 325lbs.

Anyway...

Matt, who had a tendency to interrupt and didn't seem to like my tone much - despite my insistence that I wasn't looking to be confrontational - told me that I had no late penalty, just a reminder that they never received my April payment.

Of course they didn't. I never got a notification that I had a bill due. God save the Internet, it will be the death of us all - at least the economy.

So, after telling Matt that I appreciated his help, and the fact that I didn't have to pay a late fee, I hung up and am proceeding to make a payment online (this should be April's bill).

HAHAHAHAHAHA, I am all but done making my APRIL payment - because I had no April notification since my last payment on March THIRD! - and it says that I have a $5.00 late fee.

Damn you Matt. Damn you...

I will shut up and pay my $5, and I will go ahead and make the requisite $75.00 loan payment. But I will not put a colon in front of a closed-parentheses [ :) ] like I would have otherwise.

How do you like that?

Hello?

Yeah, not so talkative are you, Sallie Mae?