You've just got to keep on climbing

It's so much easier to write when things aren't well. The most memorable songs, poems, movies, stories; they're mostly written during and about hard times or personal struggle.

And that just sucks.

It's times like that - like right now for me - that you catch a glimpse at how marvelously anonymous you are. When you ache with grief or want; when you tire of waiting and hoping, and you can't stand to press your will against what is any longer; when the world spins in its perfect spiral, oblivious to the shit storm churning inside you, you almost have to laugh; it just doesn't matter all that much.

The wind still blows, the sun still rises, and birds will still shit on your car - Life is a singular, enormous, all-encompassing drama for you (and me, and everyone else), but it's an impersonal and endless super-carnival for everything else outside. The whole of the universe will - and does - go right on ticking, whether your winning the lottery, making love, jumping out of a plane, or losing a loved one.

And that doesn't suck.

No matter how bad, how sickeningly alone or empty you might feel, your stupid new retriever will still come in to your room, wagging her tail with your roommates shoe in her mouth. (That's not a metaphor, by the way. But it could be). Chocolate still tastes good, Vanna White is still hot, hugs are still the best, and birds still shit on your car. Cycle of Life - it's a short race when it's all said done, but it can be so damn exhausting when you're not even halfway done.

You're not the center of it all. It might not all work out in the end. You're not going to succeed at everything.

How cool is that?

As I see it, life IS a carnival, it's a jungle gym. And I'm a bug - smaller than an ant even. The thing wasn't built for me, I don't know where the hell I'm going, and sometimes it seems like everything else knows what to do and is having the time of their life. BUT: There are no rules - I can go any which way I please in any way I choose. I can't possibly hope to see the whole thing, so I can't get bored. And because I'm not the center of it all, the whole drama will keep right on playing all around me.

The key is to keep on climbing.

You could get squashed sitting still and you could get squashed climbing to the top. But odds are, you're not going to get squashed. You're going to be here for what will seem like an awfully long friggin' time. So keep those legs moving - all six of 'em - and help somebody else along the way while you're at it; you never know how their journey is going. All you need is your own will to get by on this playground, but it feels so much better to lay it on the line for others. The more you spread yourself out, the harder it is to get squashed.

So feel shitty, then feel better, and then get back to climbing dammit!

And move your car; I think a bird shit on it.